Chapter One:  Cognitive changes

As your body and mind are developing, they way they interact with society changes. You may crave consent from your friends, and feel that only their advice can help you become popular.  Meanwhile, the process of becoming independent from your parents may make you feel reluctant to seek their suggestions on your personal life. 

Adolescents frequently experience the following changes in their psychology, their social lives and their behaviors:

Teens begin to form opinions of their own, integrating the opinions of influential others (parents, caring adults, friends) into their likes and dislikes.  This is part of the process of forming a personal system of values and beliefs, occupational goals, and relationship expectations. The process of establishing autonomy apart from parents involves becoming an independent and self-governing person, particularly within relationships.  This process eventually allows teenagers to make and follow through with their own decisions, live by their own set of principles of right and wrong, and become less emotionally dependent on parents. Teens begin to experience intimacy in same-sex friendships, and later use what they have learned in their romantic relationships.  Teens learn with their friends how to begin, maintain and end relationships, practice social skills, and share with others. During this time, adolescents develop a clearer concept of the future, and can start to see the relationship between their abilities and what career they may eventually choose.  Teenagers start to explore their own achievements, understand what they are good at, and commit to striving for long-term goals.

Many teenagers find that psychological and social changes will lead them to change the way they think and behave:

You might begin to spend more time with friends than with family.  However, when it comes to decisions about values, education, and long-term plans, teenagers still tend to consider their families' opinions and values.  You may find that you are re-assessing these values and trying to reach understanding from both friends and family.

You may begin to keep a journal during this time. This is also part of the process of understanding your own thoughts and feelings and hence forming your own identity separate from other people.

You will probably feel an increased need to establish privacy, such as locking your bedroom door when you are in your room. As you establish your individual identity and become more autonomous, you will feel an increased need to keep your activities and friends secret from your parents.

Several different hobbies, clubs, or activities will all interest you at the same time.  Getting involved in multiple activities will help you find out what you are good at and what you enjoy; however, it can be time-consuming.

As you begin to establish your own values, you may start to question the values and judgments of adults.  This can lead you to become argumentative, especially when you feel that you are not getting your own way.

You may want to create distance from your parents, especially in public.  Often teenagers make their parents drop them off a block from their friends' houses or from school.  This feeling may be acute as you develop increasing autonomy.

At the same time, it will become easier to view your parents as people.  Many teens take this time to ask questions about their parents' lives when they were teenagers, thus helping to establish their adulthood.