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Chapter
Three:
Relationships
1. Family
You
face an important developmental period when you go through
puberty. You are developing your own thoughts and attitudes,
which in turn can change your attitude towards your family.
How do
you feel when you think about these responses? Do they seem
familiar? Would you respond in this way? |
| Scenario
1: |
You are watching television and your mother wants
to sit with you. |
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Response: |
Get up and go out. You'd rather be doing anything
other than watching TV with your mother. |
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Scenario 2: |
You mother wants to talk to you about something. |
|
Response: |
Pretend you can't hear her. She doesn't understand
you anyway. |
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Scenario 3: |
You can't believe how your mother dresses. |
| Response:
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Don't
let her go anywhere with you, as someone might see
you together. |
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| Scenario
4: |
When
you're going out, your mother wants to come with
you. |
| Response: |
Absolutely
not. |
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| Scenario
5: |
Your
clothes have been washed but not ironed. |
| Response:
|
Ask
your mother why she's always trying to ruin your
life. |
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| It's
easy to criticize your parents and it's very easy
to get frustrated with them. But why is it exactly
that they seem to be completely incapable of understanding
you? Some of the reasons are: |
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1. |
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While
your parents have matured, you are changing extremely
rapidly. It is difficult to understand precisely
what stage of development a teenager is currently
in, and your parents may give you advice more
appropriate for someone younger. |
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2. |
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Just as you are changing, society is also changing
on a broader scale. Your parents use their experience
to teach you, but can find it difficult to tailor
their past experience to a different time. |
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3. |
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Your parents have adapted to their own maturity,
as you will later, and may no longer be able to
see things from the same viewpoint they had when
they were teens. |
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4. |
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Understanding a quickly-developing teenager requires
an enormous concentration of effort and focus.
Most parents are fully occupied with the cares
and pressures of maintaining a family, and may
not be able to dedicate their full energy to keeping
up with your development. |
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All
of these danger areas can lead to conflict in the family
during puberty and adolescence. Generally speaking,
teens find that their relationships with their parents
improve dramatically after puberty, as they become more
mature and able to accept their parents' viewpoints
and attitudes.
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Mutual
understanding and strong family interaction can help
ease these conflicts. After a fight, you will find it
helpful just to talk to your parents - take the opportunity
to reconcile rather than retreat.
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